latest on my phone

a few thoughts i had:

the one thing i have found that i have struggled with the most since Riley was born, was the back and forth with myself feeling like being a mom was suppose to be enough.  that every morning i am suppose to wake up and be completely fulfilled that my role in life is being a mom.  the truth is that's not the case for me and that has made me feel so very guilty.  i get frustrated with myself that i want to be able to put him down and go make something & just be creative.  i have so many passions in my life and it's been hard to swallow that i am 'suppose' to put them aside now.  i don't know where this notion came from, no one told me that is what i am suppose to do, but i think as a mom you do that to yourself.  that when you have a free minute it would be better spent on doing something for my family than for myself.

i really don't mean to sound selfish.  that is not what this is about.  i love Riley with all my heart and my family comes first before everything.  if Riley or Wayne needed something i would stop everything i was doing to help and be with them.  i think this is more about the idea that it's ok to still feel passionate about the things i love.  and that it's ok to still feel like those things make up who you are, as well as being a mom.  

i want to be that.  i want to show Riley what i am passionate about.  i want to share that with him.  i want to take him on adventures and show him all the things that his mommy & daddy loves and appreciates.  i want to be the best mommy to him and i need to work out how to allow myself to be that without feeling that i am 'loosing' me.  

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