life of riley: off to south africa

we are off to south africa tomorrow and i am pretty excited to meet all my aunts, uncles, cousins & grand parents.  i am going to get so spoiled!

mom already warned me that it's going to be a long flight and dad's not going with, so i shouldn't do this:

i should be patient, but that is so hard - does she remember that i am only 4 months old, us babies only get patients later in life (or when it comes to food and sleep, never - if i'm like my dad - i heard my mom say that to my dad a few times).  

i am going to miss my dad so much - i am so happy when he gets home in the evenings. i love my mom loads but she can't play like my dad can.  i should have a word with my dad, he needs to show mom how to do the mirror play thing, and watch sports:

i heard mom has a lot of sisters & my cousin katinka is also a girl - i just hope they not going to take me shopping every day.  mom knows how much i hate shops!

mom also told me that it is a lot warmer there, so no more blankets, heaters, hats, gloves & layers and layers of clothes - i just hate that.  

i think this means that i can spend more time in the bath (i hope mom remembers to pack this little girl in - i just love holding her hand while i'm in the bath):

i heard my mom talking to aunty janine the other day and it sounds like all my mom's sisters are going to be at the airport - going to be my own welcome party.  it just means i can meet more people and blow bubbles & pull faces at them.  mom says i am a real charmer - i can't help it if the ladies like me!

i actually don't care where i am going, just as long as i can have some milk 

some sleep

watch my mommy & listen to her silly stories


put some thing in my mouth (even if it is my mom's arm or hand - i'm not picky)

i am sad that my dad won't be with us - but mommy promised me that he will come visit us.

i am off for some more milk (boobies yummy!) and then a quick nap.  next time i will tell you all about south africa and all the family!

healthy little one







this laughing out load, very vocal and grabbing (touching) everything in sight, little boy now weighs 7.8kg and is 63cm tall.

hope you all have a fantastic weekend! we have riley's TB injection on saturday & a mini photoshoot (that the little mister won at the babyshow) on sunday.

i also have a week left, then we are off to SA! i am so excited and can't wait anymore!!

{ps in the last photo - that little face is telling me to get home already - because i need to sleep!}

wedding outfit









we had a weekend with not a lot of sleep.  the little mister decided that sleep is over-rated so he is not sleeping that much at night.  we also went to our friend willie & jonathan's wedding (civil partnership). all 3 of us had so much fun.  riley was such a sweetie the whole night and totally stole everyones hearts.  he had so much fun that he was totally zonked out when we got home and slept for almost 7 hours straight.  {photos above is riley & the outfit he had on at the wedding & then on our way to the wedding}.

i've been looking at photos on my computer the last couple of days (i want to print a few and frame them), and this made me think of our honeymoon and also some of the other countries we've been to.  i see sandy beaches and feel like doing absolutely nothing but just to enjoy the sun, food and each other.  i miss that.  i do get sad sometimes thinking that Wayne and i will never have a trip like that together again, or at least in the way in which we experienced our previous trips.

but that is the way it's supposed to be so that i can treasure those memories forever, but now we are building a whole new set of memories that includes not just the two of us...but 3 of us.  and that actually makes me feel proud.  proud that we made this beautiful little human being and proud that we are on this journey together.  yes, it's a challenge.  and yes, i certainly have days of missing my independence and, let's be honest...selfishness.  but just one little smile & laugh from riley and every selfish desire is immediately wiped away.  i mean, just look at that face up there! how is it possible to love someone that much?

now we can take trips together as a family & show riley all the different places and cultures. this makes me so excited! luckily we are off to our first trip together - in less than 2 weeks we (just me & riley, at first) will be in sunny south africa with the family!  i am so excited and can't wait anymore!

a little pumpkin for halloween






this halloween was riley's first one and it was different than last year's.  this year wayne did the cutting of the pumpkins and i would have loved to make something for riley - but i will do it next year.  he did enjoy all the kids in their little outfits at the door - it was so exciting that it gave him an excellent night rest (he slept for 8 hours last night).

series: 4 months

week wise he is 17 weeks now but according to the date, he turned 4 months on monday.

he is so tall that he hardly fits length wise in his 3 month clothes that has long legs.  but again he looks ridiculous in 6 month ones because they are way too big.  most of his 0-3 month old clothes still fit him (all the ones without long legs).

i feel like in the last week he has learned so much.  he will pull faces and try so hard, you can actually see how he is trying to figure out how he can get your attention.  he loves staring and laugh at himself in the mirror.  he loves people, and he is such a charmer.  he will make noises so that you can look at him and when you do - he will give you the biggest smile that will just melt you heart.  he even laughed (and charmed) the nurse when he went for his injections - she felt so bad for giving him an injection afterwards.

he absolutely LOVES getting a message especially his feet, as soon as you message his feet, he will put his hands in his mouth and give you little giggles of delight.  he also has a thing for holding your hand (more like finger).  he likes to fall asleep while holding your finger & when you are walking with him in your arms, it doesn't take him long to find your fingers to hold.

he has also found his voice now, and will let you now know (vocally) when he is upset or just agitated. he makes the cutest little noise that sounds like a cat (very high pitched) when he gets annoyed.  wayne said that he takes after his cousin by being a real drama 'king'.

he still loves his bath but unfortunately we had to cut it down to just 5-10min in the bath due to him being over stimulated.  and this affected his sleeping at night.  we have started with a sleep schedule this week & its being going ok.  he still needs to hold my hand when he falls asleep but we are fazing that out now and getting him to go to bed at 8.30pm (and stay asleep) is a bit more challenging.
 
{it wasn't very easy to get him to sit still to take these photos - as you can see}

here is riley from 1-4 months:

latest on my phone




a few thoughts i had:

the one thing i have found that i have struggled with the most since Riley was born, was the back and forth with myself feeling like being a mom was suppose to be enough.  that every morning i am suppose to wake up and be completely fulfilled that my role in life is being a mom.  the truth is that's not the case for me and that has made me feel so very guilty.  i get frustrated with myself that i want to be able to put him down and go make something & just be creative.  i have so many passions in my life and it's been hard to swallow that i am 'suppose' to put them aside now.  i don't know where this notion came from, no one told me that is what i am suppose to do, but i think as a mom you do that to yourself.  that when you have a free minute it would be better spent on doing something for my family than for myself.

i really don't mean to sound selfish.  that is not what this is about.  i love Riley with all my heart and my family comes first before everything.  if Riley or Wayne needed something i would stop everything i was doing to help and be with them.  i think this is more about the idea that it's ok to still feel passionate about the things i love.  and that it's ok to still feel like those things make up who you are, as well as being a mom.  

i want to be that.  i want to show Riley what i am passionate about.  i want to share that with him.  i want to take him on adventures and show him all the things that his mommy & daddy loves and appreciates.  i want to be the best mommy to him and i need to work out how to allow myself to be that without feeling that i am 'loosing' me.  

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